Malajham’s Blog

Posts Tagged ‘healthy relationships

Are you listening? Really listening? Or do you only hear? Most of us only hear.Do you think there is a difference between hearing and listening? Yes there definitely is a difference for sure. Hearing is simply an act of perceiving the sound by the ear. Listening  requires being mindful and really consciously understanding the needs hidden behind the words and sentences. This is important for true understanding and empathy.

In our day to day lives we are moving around in a haste all the time with no time to really sit with ourselves. We are again not aware of what is really happening inside our own bodies? It is imperative to begin with self. To spend a few moments during the day during several intervals and to really pause and listen—What is it that I truly need right now? Do I need a break, do I need to have some fun, Do I need to do nothing? This is what I mean by deep listening, we listen and start giving to ourselves what we need in the moment. Even if it means giving myself a hug or a chocolate delight etc.,

Learning to listen and learning to nurture and nourish ourselves in the moment. This habit helps me begin to start developing self care. Listening to self opens up an inner dialogue, a deep connection, a deeper bonding and intimacy with self. This initiates the movement of  energy  flow.

This is a great exercise to start beginning to understand the “self” at a deeper level. It develops kindness and empathy towards self. We awaken our own compassionate nature towards self.It opens the space to self appreciation, self acknowledgement, self honor, and self respect.

Wow isn’t listening then an amazingly powerful tool towards self discovery, self inquiry and self recognition? This great art helps us to start feeding ourselves up with all our needs to promote a healthy inner life which then starts to radiate outward in all sectors of life. When we start listening to our spouses, our children, our friends, our employees so on and so forth till it reaches out to empathetically listening to every being.

All the above starts to promote healthy lifestyles,relationships and healthy global environment.

With listening we start becoming witnesses to our needs as well as the other person’s needs.We no longer reject self or the other. We no longer abandon or betray self or the other.We develop patience and kindness with self as well as towards the others.

The  rewards of this deep listening are immediate and they ripple across and echo through our lives creating optimum benefits limitlessly.

The art of real listening helps us to slow down our own  defenses as we begin to start feeling safe with all aspects of self. We start paying attention to all the energies present within us. We start to really listen and be present consciously with a deep sense of awareness of everything.

When we stay fully present and mindful we  learn to develop this same empathetic mindfulness with everyone around us.

In the absence of listening we only briefly hear what the other is expressing. We are in fact not even fully present in our own bodies. When we are not there for ourselves do you think we can be there for the others?

Many times too, as soon as the other person starts speaking, we are busy preparing our answers before they even have 5 words out of their mouths. This is because of our own inner restlessness and impatience attitude towards self.

Look at our biggest societal complaints: families are falling apart. Politicians are out of touch with the people. Social discourse lacks civility. At the root of these issues is, in part, the same cause: people aren’t listening.

We can change all this by changing ourselves.

STEPS TO  DEVELOP  LISTENING SKILLS—-Remember your skill as a listener can either enhance or stagnate your inner and outer growth.

1. Develop mindful listening: Pay attention to your own physical sensations when someone speaks. Such perceptiveness is possible because we humans have “mirror neurons”. This allows us to feel what others are feeling.


2 Stay present and grounded.Be mindful.

In mindfulness one is conscious of the entire process. In this way one practices contemplation on the body. When standing, you are fully  aware that you are  standing, when sitting, there is total knowledge of sitting; and when lying down, the full experience of lying down. By experiencing each moment, the mind clings no more to the world”-Buddha, Samyutta Nikaya

“Do not go after the past,
Nor lose yourself in the future.
For the past no longer exists,
And the future is not yet here.
By looking deeply at things just as they are,
In this moment , here and now,
The seeker lives calmly and freely- Buddha

3. Practice mindful listening: PHYSICAL REACTION OF COMMUNICATION






4. Use para-phrasing: Basic form includes—-owned language:” I hear you saying”  Repeat to the other what you heard in your own words:”………. that you……”

Use perception checking question to the end.”Am I correct”

5. Use the proper content, intent and tone. Adapt appropriately and listen actively.

The above simple steps help the person communicating feel heard, cared and supported. This leads to healthy relationships and bonding.


Be Free.

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